Occasional Sputterings

He talked to her. Said good and true things. Sometimes. She asks a question. He tries responding ... but maybe talks too long or pauses long enough. She interrupts - not wanting to lose her thought(s). He gets hurt - maybe gets offended, maybe forgets what he was going to say. And he feels smaller. Why don't words work? So he attacks. Or defends. In the trenches, is there a difference? She crumbles. She was just trying to connect. Maybe she's perfect. Maybe he's flawed. There doesn't seem to be a way to be vulnerable without being attacked. He learned, long ago, that being attacked is painful. And only stupid people let themselves be hurt. So when his guard is up, he stops the attack. Because if he can't be pain-free, at least he will be safe.

[ TOC ]  Book - Chapter - Christian -- 2020 08 04 - 1519 - iteration 01 Truly effective adjectives work better as verbs than nouns. Too, too often a person might consider themselves a Christian because of a single moment in time. It might be a baptism. It might be a dedication. And it might simply be a conversation. The danger, though, is that - unlike most other words - this one has actual, enduring merit. Because the implicit idea behind this word is that you embody a certain world-view. And that you seek an actual relationship with God. And thus, for it to actually be true, it should not reflect something done in the past. Rather, it should identify how you'll act in the present and immediate future. The Bible talks about being deceived. One of the most common instances of this is someone trusting unconditional grace. For the word Christian to have the appropriate depth, it means: You'll trust God with your goals, your heart, your inner self. You'll intentionally repent

[ TOC ]  Book - Chapter - Competence -- 2020 07 23 - 0258 - iteration 01 Faking it until you make it means you often don't realize when you do make it. This could be chalked up to bad parenting or bad mentoring. Regardless of the reason: Receiving the recommendation you should fake success without context ... Might ensure you achieve success ... But it doesn't teach you how to recognize it. And it doesn't teach you how to appreciate it. At the core of this is a fundamental lack of competence. Obvious consequence: Without that competence, you will always rely upon others to help you course correct. Not-so-obvious consequence: You will likely always rely upon others to tell you when you NEED to course correct. What if we expected people to be competent instead of successful? --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- some additional thoughts: - The absence of competence makes

[ TOC ]  Book - Chapter - First -- 2020 06 09 - 2014 - iteration 01 One of most arrogant things you can do is not grant someone else a voice. It is very easy to do. You yell, out of anger or pain, and crush someone's soul. Or, during a conversation, you simply don't listen. Because, of course, things are self-evident - anyone who disagrees is wrong. It is the danger of presuming a single story is enough. That there is no need for additional context. That YOUR perspective is objectively true. Nobody is completely right the first time. Revelations and insights often come from someone with whom we're in conflict. What if we raced to see who was most merciful instead of who was first? --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- some additional thoughts: - Presuming any single person is completely accurate will always eventually bear failure - We are a social bunch of animals - an

[ TOC ]  Book - Chapter - Belong -- 2020 06 19 - 1801 - iteration 01 Everyone wants to be part of a group - on their own terms. When you're young, you adopt the terms of others. Maybe you want to emulate your father or your mother. The terms then are often mimicry of those you adore. Maybe you want to sneak a drink or cigarette with your friends or watch a football game. The terms might be to mimic those you respect. Hopefully, as you get older, you have more of a voice in the terms. The terms might be to be respected for your accomplishments. Thus, on some level, by belonging to a group (or a person) you are offering someone an opportunity to create a kind of home for you. What if you have a moral obligation to be overly kind / gentle with those who provide you a home? --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- some additional thoughts: - Most homes don't require brick or mortar - w

[ TOC ]  Book - Chapter - Shine -- 2020 06 22 - 1521 - iteration 01 You were made to reflect. In this modern age of disposable priceless artifacts, it is very easy to miss very important things. An obvious one is that you are a walking reflection of what and who you value: 1. You think about what both who and what you've seen. 2. Your behavior is a reaction to, and informed by, your thoughts. 3. And what you display, by your behavior, reflects this. The greater the quality of what you reflect, the brighter you will shine. This also bears fruit in the realm of worship. You were not made to have a comfortable life, to find love, or to even be happy. Comfort is temporary, human love is temporary, and even happiness is temporary. However, you can choose to be satisfied by where you are. You can choose to mirror agape love, offering thankfulness and mercy. And you can choose to be joyful. And if you do, you'd be surprised how bright you can shine.

  [ TOC ]  Book - Chapter - Identity -- 2020 08 28 - 1202 - iteration 01 You are who you have been and we're you're going. How you envision your identity is a powerful, powerful thing. It impacts what choices you think you have and how you frame yourself. It's like the story of the bound man. He spent years in a tiny box - and when he was finally free, he couldn't walk. Having a wrong self image can also make it harder ... To learn from mistakes / change behaviors To discover new opportunities, ask questions, or accept criticism. Or to admit when you are wrong - or accept you are right. The solution is to choose not to let yourself be defined by ONLY your past. You are a living, breathing soul - and you're heading somewhere! Do you enjoy and find engagement in your current identity? Does your current identity fill your days with joy? Then choose to be satisfied by your identity! Grow in it. Do you feel trapped, unappreciated, and disengaged with your current identit

[ TOC ]  Book - Chapter - Placebo -- 2020 06 09 - 0902 - iteration 01 A pill is a tiny medical promise in a digestible form. Sometimes a pill doesn't have an active ingredient. And yet it still appears to work - that's the placebo effect. It's a reminder that our perception of reality can literally change it. Additionally: a placebo can work, even if you're told it's a placebo. How much of the effectiveness of medicine is tied to our faith in it? A non-medical example of a placebo is confidence built from hope. There are many fields wherein people feel they don't below, that they are an impostor. And they "fake it until they make it" by acting as if they deserve to be where they are. However, frequently they're not the only one. And so you have mutually-deceived people reinforcing one another, building-up one another. What if placebo was another word for being mindful of where you put your faith? ----------------

[ TOC ]  Book - Chapter - Patience -- 2020 06 13 - 0343 - iteration 01 Waiting - nobody likes waiting; it's a good reminder that the lexical root of patience is suffering. Years ago, the music group "The Byrds" craft a song entitled "To Everything (Turn Turn Turn)". It should sound familiar to Bible scholars - the message it's pulled straight from Ecclesiastes. Put another way, everything has a season - the appropriate time for it. Sometimes you can sense it, sometimes you cannot. But it's still true. Similarly, when you make something - a book, a song, a change - it too has seasonal aspects. A large part of it is the period before the creation. It is very easy to skip this part - but should be mindfully included. Because being ready is a powerful part of creating something. You should be okay gathering the necessary resources and then pausing. What if your dream opportunity were to show up and, because you prepared and t

[ TOC ]  Book - Chapter - Ideas only exist in People -- 2020 05 24 - 1212 - iteration 01 It seems obvious in retrospect - ideas aren't solid, physical things. They don't, by themselves, do anything. If ideas were written on a book, or on a building, or under the water of a bridge, they'd do nothing. Transactionally, ideas are fundamentally non-existent. However, relationally ideas are the building-blocks of anything meaningful. Even the notion of transferring ideas is fascinating. Without words, or some sort of functional dynamic expression, ideas would not persist. Stories are vehicles for ideas - with the context as a wrapper. And, I believe, it is why stories are so potent as an information delivery system. Because they are effective at capturing more than just the meme - they capture the vector. Perhaps we need another word for the essence of an idea. Maybe, instead, ideas themselves aren't the important thing. We just value them because

[ TOC ]  Book - Chapter - Please and Thank You -- 2020 06 05 - 1837 - iteration 01 Traditions of intentional respect are powerful. They communicate the baseline for what a simple conversation should include. They offer a framework in which meaningful, organic variations can unravel. And they inform creative expression in a way that implies the bearer does not intend harm. They are also the grammar of civility. You would expect, in your particular culture, for someone who is civilized to use them. Maybe YOUR culture doesn't have "please" and "thank you". But it has something that lets the person you're talking to know you're engaged. And being considerate on-purpose is one of the building blocks to making a person great. What if you intentionally engaged everyone - especially people who cannot reciprocate? --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- s

[ TOC ]  Book - Chapter - Alone -- 2020 06 07 - 1310 - iteration 01 One of the scariest things a person can be is truly alone. It's why solitary confinement is a thing of fear. And it's why loneliness is so painful. But just because it's difficult doesn't mean it's bad. Some of the best ways in which a person can grow happen when they're alone. And it is a mark of good character if being alone doesn't destroy you. A great example of this is a marathon. Nobody can run a marathon for you. On some level, a marathon is a conversation between your soul and your feet. You can stop before you're done at any time - and when you're alone, your mind will tell you to quit. What if you acted like no one was watching - even when they were? ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ some additional thoughts: - Trauma can cause

[ TOC ]  Book - Chapter - Are -- 2020 06 08 - 1521 - iteration 01 Identity is one of those fuzzy concepts that are hard to pin down. It is partly tied to the observer effect: How you define identity is part of the problem One camp will say you are the product of your thoughts. Another camp will say you are the result of your actions. However, let us consider another way to answer the question. Let us, instead, present the notion that, like them, we are too observing ourselves. And thus, like those others, we are in a relationship with the thing being observed. In brief: You are. Note: you CAN become happier, do more things, change behaviors, by working on thoughts or behaviors - but the reason is likely to be because of how you change your relationship to yourself. Have dark thoughts? Find a way to notice them and give yourself another response. Have dark behaviors? Find a way to record them and give yourself another beha

[ TOC ]  Book - Chapter - Permission -- 2020 06 09 - 1239 - iteration 01 When you are very young, you have URGES. And, the more you act in accordance with those, the more you'll hear the word "no". Many people, not wanting to hear "no", will respond one of two ways: 1. They'll keep acting on their urges until they find a way to get a "yes". 2. They'll find a way to be comfortable without hearing a "no". The problem with these two approaches is that you're trusting someone else. It's tempting to stay that way - and likely why so many do. The problem is that nobody knows everything. What if you didn't wait for permission? What if you wrote that book? Ran that race? Climbed that mountain? What if today is when you began working on that degree? Give yourself permission to start. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- some ad

[ TOC ]  Book - Chapter - Managing Managers -- 2020 06 04 - 0243 - iteration 01 When you work for someone, you will always have a manager. One of the secrets of work satisfaction is this: A relationship with a manager is supposed to be a two-way street. That is: The feedback you provide to a good manager can help the manager grow into a great manager. It can even help a mediocre manager become better. Every person starts SOMEWHERE - and most managers are not well trained. Sometimes it's because people get leadership and management confused. Sometimes it's because they're about the position's politics or power. And sometimes it's just because they lack experience. Regardless, a manager is a person. They're approachable, they have certain assumptions about how people work. The more clearly you communicate to those assumptions: The more clearly the both of you can work together as a team. What if you saw your manager as your facilita

[ TOC ]  Book - Chapter - Relational vs Transactional -- 2020 05 25 - 1009 - iteration 01 I like labels - words that sort reality are friendly to me. The problem is that they frequently hide complexity. Putting things, people, and problems into boxes is very useful. It reduces them to the properties of their boxes. However, boxes aren't meant to hold problems. Or relationships. Often words are implicitly transactional. They're snapshots of a thought, a discussion, a frame. And they always leave something out. It's why, to understand a word, you need the context. Because the context isn't inside the word itself. Similarly, language isn't just the words: it's the expression of content within a corresponding context. Thus, language is relational. And so are most of the important things in life. I have been guilty of trying to understand other people by reducing them to words. But doi